A Conversation about Homework**

**A huge thank you to conversationalist and contributor, Michelle Porjes**

Michelle: Mondays at 2:00PM a new tradition is beginning.  We meet at a predetermined spot and head north with a destination awaiting us. As we move further from the school building we walk and talk.  A break from the daily tasks, a step into the sunlight, a time for educational pondering. And so begins our discussion on the topic of homework spurred on by a close reading of a recent article in the Atlantic.

Very few words are as emotionally charged as the word “homework”.  One could even go so far as say very few words carry the negative connotation that the word homework elicits. Homework represents extra work and many – students and parents alike – are resentful. It is an extra burden on the family and an activity that can change at any one point from a review of information to a deposition.  With a full day of learning in two languages, what’s the point of school work done at home in the evening?

On the other hand, homework can serve multiple purposes: it allows students to learn the responsibility of following through with tasks, parents are given a glimpse into their children’s classroom experience, and new skills are practiced before they are forgotten. It does not always have to be an extra burden for families. What about reading at home? This can be be a very reinforcing homework assignment.

Erica: I, too, adore our walks and talks. The part of the article, which you draw out, that resonates most with me is the idea that kids have a long school day and then go home and have more work to do! It’s exhausting. It takes away from family time, from the opportunities just to dream, play imaginatively, run around outside, engage in their own interests or – dare I say it? – to breathe.

But, as you point out, there are skills that need extra practice. There isn’t enough time in the day to teach and practice everything we want.

What if homework were just about family projects? What if we could somehow envelope all the skills we want kids to practice (Hebrew, math, reading, spelling…) into some kind of project that kids do with their parents?

Michelle: Parents are tired at the end of the day and often it takes all that they can muster to get dinner on the table and carry out the routines of bedtime.  I guess the questions are what is the added value of homework and when is enough a enough?  Most of the research on homework states that homework does not really have an academic effect until middle school. In elementary school, the effects seem to be about taking responsibility.

Wouldn’t it be better for families to just focus on connection around dinner time? Or are parents going to be concerned with the perception that “academic” schools give significant homework and if their child(ren) are not doing homework they are apt to fall behind in the race to stay competitive with others who the children will meet in high school, college and beyond?

Erica: Well I think this last question really speaks to parental fears (and the topic of my last blog entry) — parents (and I speak as one of them) are fearful…how do we know we have chosen the right school for our kids? How do we know they will be prepared for the changing world? Homework is one way schools communicate with parents (because they see what their kids are learning) and also a way that parents can feel secure that their children are being prepared as well academically as they would in other schools. But do we assign homework just to make parents feel better? It’s so very complicated.

Parents – we want to hear from you? What do you like about homework? What should be changed? What questions should we really be asking?

The Push and the Pull

As a parent, I often feel torn by all the advice we hear from “the experts” — take sleep as just one example. We are told to teach our children to sleep by letting them learn to go back to sleep independently (even if they cry), and we are also told that letting our children cry will emotionally damage them for life; we are told they should only sleep in their beds and not confuse their beds for a play space, and we are also told to let kids get used to their beds by having favorite toys and dolls in there for short times. With advice like this, it’s amazing anyone is getting any sleep.

In considering philosophies of parenting, I know I pick and choose from various schools of thought. When my daughter was an infant, I read Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book from cover to cover; as a result, I chose to practice attachment parenting in many ways. And later that year, I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I really appreciated her approach that love means a parent believes in his/her children and therefore, will accept nothing but the child’s best efforts. In one particularly controversial anecdote in the book, Chua writes about a birthday card her daughter made for her. The card was clearly done last minute; instead of accepting the card and saying thank you, Chua gave the card back to her daughter and told her to redo it. Tearfully, her daughter took back the birthday card…and an hour later, came back with a card with a beautifully crafted poem and intricate drawing. While some might shudder at this approach, I appreciate that her unrelenting standards meant her daughter maximized her potential.

In schools we feel the same push and pull between philosophies. In this article, Amy Choi compares Finland and South Korea’s educational systems. In some ways, it’s like comparing Dr. Sears (Finland — the land of extracurriculars, short school days, and experiential learning) and Amy Chua (South Korea — the land of year-round school, relentless studying and intense competition).

It’s a difficult concept – and one I often discuss with parents. As parents, we will say we want our kids to love school, to explore, to have creative opportunities, to think and read and discuss. In other words, we know what we want the process of learning to look like. And yet, we get nervous when standardized test scores (which don’t measure any of the above) are not what we expect or when we compare our kids’ homework load to their friends’ at other schools or when their math homework looks different than what it did when we were in school. The product we value does not match with the process we value.

So how do we balance the Finnish parts of ourselves with the South Korean parts of ourselves? How do we have faith that we have made the right choices for our kids – whether it has to do with sleep or school choice – when there is a 24/7 news cycle that fills us with anxiety that our kids are being left behind? How do you balance these competing thoughts and approaches? I am so eager to hear your thoughts!

Teachers

Almost anyone can tell you about that one great teacher, the person who inspired them or brought out a great talent or made them work harder than they had ever worked before. My “great teacher” was Mrs. Weiss, my ninth grade English teacher. In her class I learned vocabulary words like “assuage” and “cacophony,” I read books that made me cry, I analyzed literature and engaged in conversation about that literature, and I wrote (and wrote and wrote). She made me think. She made me work. She made me excited to come to class and learn. I would have walked to the ends of the Earth had she asked.

In this article from the Wall Street Journal, Dana Goldstein posits four characteristics of great teachers (a special shout out and thank you to Shlomit Bard for sharing this article with me!) Great teachers, Ms. Goldstein writes, have active intellectual lives outside their classrooms; believe intelligence is achievable, not inborn; are data-driven; and ask great questions. While I believe any of us could come up with our own list of characteristics of great teachers, I like Ms. Goldstein’s criteria. These four certainly apply to Mrs. Weiss — she was a reader and writer in her own time, she asked questions that inspired deep thinking around reading and writing, and she truly believed that her teaching would grow our intelligence. Any of her students were capable of whatever we wanted to achieve.

I do question, however, one element that seems to be missing…can someone be data-driven and a lifelong learner, ask great questions and believe in growing intelligence but not have the proper social-emotional skills? Can you get at the teaching & learning without some element of interpersonal skills? Did Mrs. Weiss get me to immerse in learning because she did these four things? Or was it her interpersonal charisma? I am thinking of several teachers I have met in my career who can do these four but could not inspire confidence or trust – never mind love and inspiration! – from students or parents.

I am wondering from you: do you think this list is complete? What is missing? What would you remove? What would you refine? I am truly curious how you define the characteristics of a good teacher!

Dr. Erica Rothblum
Pressman Academy
Email: erothblum@tbala.org
Website: www.pressmanacademy.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/PressmanAcademy
Twitter: @ericarothblum

Transitions

The past week has been filled with transitions.

I hear from the parents in the ECC who are helping their children transition to independently attending school (and the feelings that come both when a child has trouble transitioning as well as the feelings that come when a child transitions too easily); the first grade parents, whose children are transitioning both to the second floor at Pressman as well as to “big kid” school where reading and writing are now part of everyday life; and the middle school parents, whose children are transitioning to more movement, executive functioning and the rules of an iPad. Even if your child isn’t hitting one of these milestones, the simple transition of waking up early, going to sleep regularly, and completing homework daily, is a transition. One boy — in his efforts to get to school on time after having trouble waking up early — told me proudly, “I had to rush so much I didn’t even brush my teeth this morning!” So yes, everyone is going through a transition.

As a parent, I watch my child go through the back-to-school transition (thrown in with the transition of being at a new school) and like many of you, my gut reaction is to somehow shield or protect her from the feelings that come with that transition. It is hard to see your child struggle, even when you logically know the end result will be great. I know this is an emotion with which many of our parents battle – whether we see our child upset because a friend has been cruel, frustrated because Hebrew is difficult, or upset about an unfair rule – we don’t want our children to feel bad or sad or upset. We want them to be happy and confident. But perhaps making sure our children are always happy and always confident and always thriving is not what is really best for them.

I am a big fan of Wendy Mogel, and she has recently posted an article Overparenting Anonymous in which she lists 26 steps parents should take to continue raising resilient and confident people. In some of her other work Wendy Mogel discusses tzar gidul banim. This is a Hebrew phrase meaning “the pain of raising children,” however it also refers to our children’s pain – the pain they must feel in order to grow. In her book Blessing of a Skinned Knee she writes: “Without [pain] they cannot grow strong. They won’t learn to swim. And the message communicated by all this loving parental protection is that the child doesn’t have what it takes to swim alone…when we treat our children’s lives like we’re cruise ship directors who must get them to their destination – adulthood – smoothly, without their feeling even the slightest bump or wave, we’re depriving them. Those bumps are part of God’s plan.”

I really appreciate this list of 26 steps parents should take to help our children learn to swim. I know I really struggle with number 14. I am curious — which are the ones with which you struggle? What do you find come more easily? If you feel brave, leave them in the comments below.

As we all continue to transition together, my blessing for all of us is that we find the beauty in the struggle, that we challenge ourselves to find ways that allow our children to swim (even when it’s painful for us and for them), and that we always, always find time in the mornings to brush our teeth!

Dr. Erica Rothblum
Pressman Academy
Email: erothblum@tbala.org
Website: www.pressmanacademy.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/PressmanAcademy
Twitter: @ericarothblum